When someone dies you may have lots of questions you want to ask. You may not want to ask these questions now but at some stage in the future. Ask someone you trust to answer these questions – Mum or Dad, an older brother or sister, a grandparent, close family friend or teacher. Remember they may not know the answers, you may have to search for them together. Some questions, often the ones that start ‘what if?’ don’t have any answers but it may help to talk about them.
Here are some of the questions children ask.
Is it my fault ?
No. You may have said cross things or had an argument. There may be things you wish you had said or done. None of these things make someone die.
Will I die ?
When someone you love dies you can get very frightened about dying. Most people will live for a long time – including you. Check out some of our pages for things to do when you are scared – like using a Smile List.
Should I go to see the body?
Going to see the body of a loved one is a very personal decision – some people want to and some don’t. Going to see the body is another way of saying goodbye. Talk to your family so that you understand what will happen – what the room will be like, what the body will look like. You might change your mind right up until the last minute. You may want to go with your family but not to go in the room. You might want to look from the door. You may want to go in and look at or touch the body. If you decide not to go you could send something special to go into the coffin – a letter, picture or photograph.
What if I don’t want to talk?
Sometimes we need quiet time or time to do ‘normal’ things and we don’t want to talk. If you don’t want to talk at the moment that’s OK. But talking and crying are ways to help us understand and learn how to carry on with living. Always try to find someone to talk to or find another way to express your feelings – draw, paint, write letter, songs or poems.
Should I go to the funeral?
A funeral is a time to think about the person who has died and to say goodbye. You may want to go to the funeral. You may not. You may change your mind. There is no right or wrong answer only what you decide is right for you. Find out what a funeral is like by talking to friends and family. Then talk to your family about going to the funeral – sometimes adults don’t want children to go to the funeral because they think it will be upsetting or frightening. It is important to say goodbye to someone you love who has died but this doesn’t have to be at a funeral. See our Memories & Goodbyes pages for other ideas.
If I talk to Mum or Dad will I upset them?
Grown ups get upset and cry just like you. It is not you that has upset them, they are upset because someone they love has died. But tears and talking are important to everyone when someone special dies so it is good to talk to them, it helps to help each other. If you are really worried about talking to Mum or Dad then try a grandparent or another family member.
Will I ever feel better?
Feeling better may take a long time but there are things you can do to help. There will be good days and bad days. Some days will be hard and you may feel sad – birthdays, Christmas. But you will have many memories and ways of remembering your special person.
Here are some of the questions children ask.
Is it my fault ?
No. You may have said cross things or had an argument. There may be things you wish you had said or done. None of these things make someone die.
Will I die ?
When someone you love dies you can get very frightened about dying. Most people will live for a long time – including you. Check out some of our pages for things to do when you are scared – like using a Smile List.
Should I go to see the body?
Going to see the body of a loved one is a very personal decision – some people want to and some don’t. Going to see the body is another way of saying goodbye. Talk to your family so that you understand what will happen – what the room will be like, what the body will look like. You might change your mind right up until the last minute. You may want to go with your family but not to go in the room. You might want to look from the door. You may want to go in and look at or touch the body. If you decide not to go you could send something special to go into the coffin – a letter, picture or photograph.
What if I don’t want to talk?
Sometimes we need quiet time or time to do ‘normal’ things and we don’t want to talk. If you don’t want to talk at the moment that’s OK. But talking and crying are ways to help us understand and learn how to carry on with living. Always try to find someone to talk to or find another way to express your feelings – draw, paint, write letter, songs or poems.
Should I go to the funeral?
A funeral is a time to think about the person who has died and to say goodbye. You may want to go to the funeral. You may not. You may change your mind. There is no right or wrong answer only what you decide is right for you. Find out what a funeral is like by talking to friends and family. Then talk to your family about going to the funeral – sometimes adults don’t want children to go to the funeral because they think it will be upsetting or frightening. It is important to say goodbye to someone you love who has died but this doesn’t have to be at a funeral. See our Memories & Goodbyes pages for other ideas.
If I talk to Mum or Dad will I upset them?
Grown ups get upset and cry just like you. It is not you that has upset them, they are upset because someone they love has died. But tears and talking are important to everyone when someone special dies so it is good to talk to them, it helps to help each other. If you are really worried about talking to Mum or Dad then try a grandparent or another family member.
Will I ever feel better?
Feeling better may take a long time but there are things you can do to help. There will be good days and bad days. Some days will be hard and you may feel sad – birthdays, Christmas. But you will have many memories and ways of remembering your special person.